Soul Stories

Returning home

When we’re in our head, in the words of Sadhguru, we limit our knowledge.

When we let go of what we know, we experience bliss.

You can’t think yourself there. You can’t talk yourself there. And that’s quite something for a therapist to say. The body has its own knowing. We know it can heal itself. We know when it’s left to its own devices it finds its way. After all, we are nature.

And yet we still think we can control it. That we can control our mind. But our thoughts think they are our minds. We end up in a spaghetti junction roundabout. Wondering why we can’t think our way out.

So last weekend we delved into vibrational energy. This was no yoga retreat. Curated by Kwali Kumara, Maren Lander and Ali Ansari it was a journey working with the Dark Goddess. Who is she? What benefit does she give us? What does she inhibit in us?

We’re taken on a magical history tour. One of teachings from ancient tribal communities. Indigenous wisdom shared with modern language. From Greek Goddess Medina to Hindu God Kwali, we’re left to explore their relation to us. What we see in them, that we don’t own in ourselves. To reclaim our own power and not give it away.

When I sit in the energy of these women I feel at home. I question if I could and should be living in the Amazon with the indigenous communities. For a short period at least. But I also love my London city living. I am both. We don’t have to box ourselves. We can be open to experiencing. At one point Ali said to the group ‘I’d like you to consider not projecting on to the situation. When we do that, we limit our experience. Be open. Allow all that will happen to unfold.’ And that’s a metaphor for life right? When we try to force it, control it, bend it our way. When we close the blinkers we wonder why we’re disappointed with the mundane response we get. Open the heart and who knows what will arrive. Often something beyond imagination.

We were initiated in to a sweat lodge. I think Ali, our shamen, let us off with a healing lodge, which meant temperatures didn’t sore to 90 degrees, but more to those that we didn’t lose half the group, and yet we have our healing to those family and world family members. It’s a beautiful ritual. Rocks from the land are heated in a fire for hours so they surpass 800 degrees centigrade and then they’re dropped in to a hole, in a tent; with us all sat in close proximity. We’re led through tribal songs, prayers and sit with our own intentions for what we want from our lives. We get clear.

Prior to sweating, Kwali took us through a serpent healing. Beautifully and gently manufactured so that we’d built up the energy in the room, before and with the serpents. It’s like nothing I’ve done before. I didn’t look to favourably on the idea. The thought of interacting with snakes scared me. And why would I want to? But when you listen to someone who’s so passionate about them; she’s been working and nursing them for 20 years, you’re fully bought in to what these beautiful creatures offer us all. Their ancestries, the myths, the magic. And then when it was placed around my neck. Oh my. At first the boar did what it likes to do on pseudo trees. Hung tight! Then it manouvered itself as I breathed into it. As I watched the others feel fully relaxed I asked myself to give the same response. And I got clear on my intention. And as I did. The next 3 snakes, including kundalini, when straight to my base chakra. It’s time for a conscious relationship in my life and some clearing up was needed! They listened. That freaked me out, but deep down inside me I trusted it. Trusted Kwali and her work and how these multi-dimensional creatures can surely feel our body vibrations. Besides that’s how they find their way in the world. It was beautiful, and touching their skin, feeling their tongue caress my skin was something very special.

Throughout the three days, we bounced in and out of our head, body and our vibrations. Gong ceremonies like never before. Almost spoilt! Allowing the body to fully relax and absorb my own being. Visualising through Maren’s cacao ceremony made it clear for me that this weekend was a reminder. A reminder to come home. We’re prompted by playful cards, medicine and black goddess cards, to guide us. Mine unfolded perfectly. Amends to make. Home to clear up. But the overriding sense was to come home to me. And all of me. The stuff we often discard. We see it as our shadow. How others treat us. How they manipulate us, bully us, dominate, how we don’t have a voice, how we are unkind to ourselves with our thoughts. And to see all that. See our, and my role, in it. And to accept it. But then also to see the joy and laughter. A pure reminder, as we danced in the garden, sang to the drum beats, chanted and meditated, that I can come and love to come back to my fullest expression of joy. Be the child. Be sexy. Be fun. Be playful.

And the beauty of this work, is to do it with friends and trusted others. To witness their dark sides. To accept them. To connect with others. To hold them, and be seen fully for who we all are. I met some new friends, and was blessed to see Andrea and Eleanor expand, and grateful to be part of this, Maren and Kwali’s first Dark Goddess.

Held at the spacious, open hearted Inner Guidance centre, Jo and Dom, the keepers and creators have built a space for this work to unfold. It’s special. It’s something I imagine Soulhub will one day hold. Dom cooked the most incredible vegan food from pizza to spag Bol, with the stuffed mushrooms and aubergine being the best. Jo joined me on the journey, absorbing mine, me observing hers, gazing into her eyes, and seeing the warmth of a woman who is living her best self. A couple of beauties they are.

A place of real soul. People with real soul. A journey of the soul. Thank you all.


  • Andrea Lucas
    May 24, 2019 at 2:47 pm

    A masterpiece of writing from the most courageous and divine soul . Thank you Carmen for allowing me to be a witness on your sacred path.. This is Such a wonderful read and simply wow !!!

    • Soulhub
      May 27, 2019 at 1:10 pm

      Thanks Andrea – What a wonderful experience wasn’t it. And they don’t come around all that often. We do have to create them. Imagine them. And live them. So thank you for being part of it. For being the instigator, and the witness. Privilege works both ways. You star.


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